The ending of a big part of babyhood

This week has been a little emotional for me. I'd planned to nurse Zachy until he was a year old. Nursing him has been easy from the beginning and has been a nice snuggle time for both of us. It's been a really good experience, too, to be able to shut the door on all my other noisy boys and just rock in the recliner with my sweet baby while he nurses. Also, he's nearly 10 months old now and so of course he's eating tons of other yummy "big kid" foods, but it's given me peace of mind to know that he's nursing 3 times a day and getting any extra calories he may need. Nursing was a nutritional safety net so to speak.

But on Sunday Zachy decided he was done nursing. When I went to nurse him that evening before he went to bed, he would have none of it. I thought it was a fluke, but it was the same the next morning and the time after that and the time after that. Total rejection. He wasn't nice or polite about it either. You'd think I had the plague or something equally awful and distasteful. It's irrational to say this because he's a baby and didn't mean to, but it really hurt my feelings. The other problem is that he never liked bottles and we've been lazy about forcing him to use sippy cups so now there is the added stress of making sure he gets the nutrition he needs. I pumped for the first few days as I held onto the hope that he would want to nurse again, but as each day passed and the rejection continued, that hope faded and today--uggh, it still hurts a bit to write this, I didn't pump at all and I'm not even the least bit uncomfortable. I suppose it was time, but it is a little hard that I wasn't the one to make that choice.

Tim has listened to me cry and so have my close female friends and I have appreciated their kindness in listening to me mourn this ending of a big part of babyhood. Tim says that now we can finally go away for a weekend and celebrate our 10 year anniversary 5 months late. Of course, I am excited for that and the freedom that does come when one isn't nursing anymore. But I still miss it so much, and I think I will for awhile.